Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
MIDGETS
????
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
