can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
