Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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