its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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