if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
