I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
