Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize