no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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