I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
