Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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