This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
