the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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