I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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