i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
