Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
