I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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