Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
