yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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