You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
