he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
