hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
