are you still at the devil's house?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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