Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
