When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
