This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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