A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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