I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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