You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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