I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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