i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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