Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
