pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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