He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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