just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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