take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
