Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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