She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
