I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
