Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
