"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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