just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
