no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
