I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
