so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
