Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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