So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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