And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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