I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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