Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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