After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
