I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
