Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
