I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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